Asking a child in the midst of a divorce will most often give you the wrong response. During such difficult times, they will feel stuck in between and be forced to hide in their shell.
However, as adults, those same children will usually have a lot to say about what they felt and how they handled the divorce.
Despite the tough times that come with a divorce, having to split homes and holidays will mean different things to everything. That is why we’re here to help parents understand what children of divorce wished their parents know – even if they might not be able to tell you.
Here are things kids want their parents to know post-divorce.
You didn’t fail as a parent
While this may be the opposite of how kids act during the process, a failed marriage does not mean your skills as a parent is broken.
Children don’t view the divorce as the parent’s fault but rather the changes that will affect them that makes it all the more harder to accept.
Understand their behavioral issues
Some, if not, most children to start to act out in an effect to gain attention and try to bring back the environment they once had.
To move on suddenly from a secure home to a devastating two-home environment, this will cause many to feel withdrawn from their parents and avoid getting hurt.
Children who suddenly become distant and retreat to their own interests may do anything to keep themselves from admitting their problems.
Some may even act out because their parents are also trying to adjust to the new lifestyle changes. As a result, children will begin to misbehave and hope that their behavior will force their parents to get back together and give them the attention they seek.
They feel overwhelmed with loss
Losing a parent to a divorce is a traumatic experience. Some may even compare it to losing a parent to death as some leave for long periods of time.
Many may also feel loss because one parent is no longer in their lives as much as they once were. That is why is it important for parents to find a common ground and better solutions that will work for both parents and children.
They hate to see their parents fight
Children love their parents. So making arguments and talking down to each other in front of your children will only show your child that you don’t respect the other parent.
In their minds, you will only be making the difficult situation more unbearable to live with. Fighting will only lead to fewer visits and more excuses for children to not want to see or talk to their parents.
Kids want your support
Children find it hard to communicate under stressful situations as they get older. That is why it is crucial for parents to listen to what their child has to say without opening their mouths.
When your child wants to share the rare moment of their feelings, take it as it is and listens.
They still need a routine
Despite the new lifestyles, homes, and behaviors, children will need to develop routines that will downplay the absence of their missing parent.
For example, if you are going through a divorce, choose to enroll your child in activities they enjoy or try new hobbies to learn. These newfound interests will keep them occupied during the major changes. More stories here.
It is important to make it clear that you keep an effort with your kids throughout the entire process. Parents will need to support their children and minimize their absence to help build a strong bond.